Life moves. Things change.
It’s absolutely okay not to know how to move with it. But you will, and you do, and it’s imperfect and wonderful all at the same time.
You do not owe anyone your sweetness. Yet, you may give it to those you choose to. And you can always take it back from those who abuse it. You can. And you will.
You do not owe anyone your undivided attention; perhaps those who end up as your clients, and your dear friends, and your lovers. And teachers. Teachers come in all types and varieties and you won’t know unless you listen. Such is life.
You can do with your days EXACTLY how you wish. It’s ok not to know what you want, what truly restores and replenishes you. Even at 31 you’re still learning what that really means.
Reach out to those who fill you up. They aren’t always obvious. That’s okay too.
Bottom line is that it’s all okay. You feel what you feel. It never lasts, I promise. It will always go off into the distance and new feelings will arrive. Feelings of confidence, happiness, excitement, joy, eagerness, and all her companions. Play with them when they arrive and invite them to stay longer for a cup of coffee or a dessert.
And when they go, don’t argue or fight it. Allow them to head out on their way, to run their errands, to show up on someone else’s doorstep— and welcome in whoever takes their place: anger, jealousy, fear, bitterness, resentment.
There’s a poem by Rumi who advises just that; everything you feel is simply a visitor, so do your best to welcome each one as they arrive. Visitors always leave.
You are okay.
You are loved, because I am the one who loves you.
I promise to always be there as you fall asleep each night, say softly to you “good night” and then “good morning” when you rise.
Because you will rise.
You always do.
I love you, Barbara. I am here for you and with you. Always.