I can’t help but remember the day

my parents told me “no”

I was not a good girl

as I sat in the security office chair

stolen goods

morals gone

I disintegrated my meaning

into anger.

 

I can’t help but remember the night

my lover held my hand

and my hair

as I laid in the cold bathroom tile

thong on

and bra off

I evacuated my nightcap

into the toilet.

 

I can’t help but remember the way

my ex fiancée helped me load

a moving truck

as I sat with the key in the ignition

face forward

memories lost

I steered out the garage

onto the empty street.

 

I can’t help but remember the sound

of DC’s March for Life

the bloodied posters

as I walked confused and alone

in the muddied sound

of message gone

I gripped my hat to ears

blocking out.

 

I can’t help but remember his hands

holding me onto the bed

the push of bodies

as I fought his lust fuck need

my desperation 

and giving up

as his body went

where it wanted to go.

 

I can’t help but remember each way

I’ve felt distant and away

from reality

as I struggle with today

these moments

holding on

as my heart lays

hungover— for days.

 

My heart

lays hungover

for days.