What am I spending

so much energy on

protecting?

 

There is a wall around my heart

and still she says

she beats for me.

 

She asks me,

why.

 

Why am I cased in

when the rest of you

is so visible

to the world?

 

Why.

Why indeed, sweet heart.

 

I say,

I’m always on the hunt

for the prize:

a love that consumes me,

a heart that astounds me

arms and legs

that wrap me close

without fear

of letting go.

 

Do you hear that?

The softness of my breath

and the catch

in my throat,

the flutter of my eyelids

as they look down

and away.

 

There are stories

there

that I’ve always known.

 

I hold my heart

gently in my hands

and whisper

intimate thoughts,

meant only for her.

 

She tells me:

sweet girl,

I am here

to astound you

consume you

and love you.

 

Sweet girl,

let the walls

down

so I can beat for you

and you

you

can beat

for others too.

 

Why I wrote this poem:  As I slowly open myself up more to others and myself (especially through poetry), I become more aware of the insecurities, blockages, and walls I have created over time to protect myself from vulnerability or the past or stories I’ve been telling myself over time. I am in a new romantic relationship and it has challenged me to look deeper within myself. It has challenged me to be more curious about my walls and where they have been erected from, coaxing me to compassionately confront them so I can be more open with myself and others. I am in a constant state of heartfelt exploration and poetry is one of my preferred methods of excavation.

Thank you for reading and coming along with me.